How my dog saved my life

So my dog never pulled me out of well or pushed me away from oncoming traffic. The irony here is my dog is a collie and is very much like the famous “Lassie.” In fact she is probably the opposite of a life saver… If a bear was approaching she would probably be the first to run away. But she is my dog and I love her.

My dog is so much more than just a dog; my dog has saved me life. Over and over again she has helped me through challenging times. Whenever I am upset or felt alone; she has always been there. During a very dark time my doctor asked me what keeps me going in life? I remember being depressed as I read of people who continued on for their children; I did not have children so what was my motivation? Then I realized it was my dog. My dog gives me constant affection and love. She needs me to care for her much like a child does. My dog knows when I’m happy, when I’m sad and when I need to be taken care of. My dog knows my deepest secrets and listens to my every word. My dog is my best friend.

Call me crazy, but I am thankful for my dog. She has truly saved my life.


Quiting Anti-Anxiety Medication 101

So like most things, being the perfectionist I am I thought I could quit my anti anxiety drugs easily and of course do it cold turkey. I am clearly way too perfect and driven to quit them any other way. But why quit them? I guess the best place is to start with the why. After tons of research and by research I mean googling, I realized there were others out there who felt the same. If you asked me (and them) if the drugs worked I would (and they) say yes! They worked great!  So why why why are you quiting? The problem is they work too well. Yeah I said it, too well. I could have been told the world was ending and not even bat an eye. In fact, I would have just smiled and thanked the person for telling me the horrific news and called it a day. Sounds pretty awesome eh?  It’s awesome until you realize if your not experincing all of the bay, you must be missing out on the good.

The Process:

Day 1 and 2

Didn’t feel great, had a headache, dizzy, nothing crazy.

Day 3 and 4

Felt like I had the flu. Not just any flu, the really bad one when your curled up in a ball and that doesn’t even seem to help.

Day 5 and 6

Flu was gone, but got extreame emotions going on. Not just the “I had a bad day” emotions, but rather the please keep all sharp objects away from me kind of day.

Day 7 and 8

Simillar to day 1 and 2, but the flu is gone and I no longer want to jump off a bridge.

SUCCESS! If you are looking to end any medications (of course consult your Doctor) and make sure your prepared for what is about to come. It was hard. I felt like a recovering drug addict, maybe because I kind of was. Don’t give up. I am extreamly excited now that I can feel again.

To feel the bad and to feel the good.



The Excitement of Doing Nothing.

As I am getting ready for the holidays, I am already starting to dread the January question of “what exciting things did you do on your holiday?” When I respond with the one word “nothing,” I am already prepared for the sympathy stares and responses similar to if something horrific had just taken place.  In reality, I am most looking forward to doing nothing.


This has been a long time coming for me. I love keeping busy. The downside is I often keep busy to avoid dealing with things I don’t want to deal with. What are you talking about you may ask? Well if something in my personal life is bothering me, lets say a relationship I will purposely spend all of my time at my job. My job will all of a sudden become the center of my universe and I will convince myself that if I don’t focus on my job somehow the world around me will not continue to exist. This goes vise versa as well of course. I continue to juggle around the areas in my life focusing least of course on the ones that need the most attention.


But why would you do this, It seems so counter-productive? And it is. The thing about having nothing to do, is it forces you to deal with those items in your life you have put on the back burner. The items you didn’t want to deal with. The items you tried to avoid. When you have nothing to do, nothing to focus on, nothing to distract you, you have no choice but to look inwards.  This is the single most item I am excited about over the holidays.

I’m not insecure, I’m rational

Have you ever heard the story of the lady who is deathly afraid of flying and she goes on a plane and is convinced something bad is going to happen? The smell of burning equipment, really is dinner being cooked; The flight attendants are whispering about the planes doom, not about last nights dinner party; or that faded humming sound is a mechanical breakdown, instead of just air flow from the air conditioner unit.

Some times I think I should have become a lawyer because I can rationalise any situation. I can make any situation turn exactly into what I want to believe is happening, instead of what the reality is of whats happening. Seriously, I’m amazing at it and I should get paid for it. I’m so good at it, that I can even disguise it as just rationalising the situation so clearly I must be right.

And I am never right.

The problem is, once you begin to convince yourself that an apple really is an orange, your eventually going to start to believe it. No one wants to be proven wrong, so you will go to all lengths to make sure that the apple really is an orange for no other reason than the satisfaction of being right. It’s amazing what our brains can do really.

Your not rationalising, your just being scared and insecure.

And it’s okay.

I’ve learned to play the fact versus fiction game. Take any situation and make two columns; Fact and Fiction. List your reasons in the two columns and it’s amazing how your facts actually turn into fiction. The trick is, your facts really need to be facts. Sounds simple eh? But it’s not. Your facts can not be something you think to be true or someway you’ve interpreted a situation. Facts need to be facts.